How do I bring up mental health concerns without making things worse?

Start from curiosity rather than diagnosis. 'You seem really tired — how are you actually doing?' is much easier to receive than 'I think you have depression.' Choose a quiet, private moment — not in front of children or during a conflict. Be willing to sit with the answer, including a deflection. Many people need to be asked more than once before they feel safe enough to say what is actually wrong. ISWAN SeafarerHelp can support you as the family member too — not just the seafarer.

What should I not say to someone who seems to be struggling?

Avoid minimising ('Everyone feels like that', 'You just need to man up'), moralising ('You should be grateful — you have a good job'), or catastrophising ('You're going to lose your job if you keep this up'). Avoid immediately offering solutions — often the person needs to feel heard before they can engage with any suggestion. If you are worried about suicidal ideation, it is safer to ask directly ('Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself?') than to avoid the question — asking does not plant the idea, and getting a truthful answer allows appropriate action.

Is there a 24/7 service I can call right now?

Yes. ISWAN SeafarerHelp: +44 20 7323 2737, free, multilingual, available 24/7. Sailors' Society Wellness at Sea: wellnessatsea.org. Samaritans (UK and Ireland): 116 123, free, 24/7. For immediate risk to life, call the emergency services (112 in most countries, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US) — this applies whether the person in crisis is at home or, if communication is still possible, at sea.

What if the seafarer refuses to get help?

You cannot force an adult to seek help. What you can do: remain available without pressure, make the support options visible and easy ('I'll sit with you while you make the call if that helps'), and look after your own wellbeing while you wait. If you believe there is an immediate risk of self-harm and the person is at sea, contact the manning agency and ask them to arrange welfare contact through the master or TMAS. If the person is at home, the GP or emergency services are the appropriate contacts.

Mental health warning signs

Seafaring is a mentally demanding career — isolation, fatigue, long absences from family, and high-stakes operational responsibility create conditions that can erode mental health over time. Families are often the first to notice something is wrong — sometimes before the seafarer themselves is aware of it. This page is not a diagnostic tool, and it does not replace professional mental health support. It is a practical guide to recognising patterns of distress and knowing what to do next. If someone is in immediate danger, call emergency services — do not wait.

Signs a seafarer may be struggling

These patterns are worth noticing, particularly if several occur together or represent a change from the person's baseline. No single item is diagnostic.

Withdrawal and disengagement. Becoming markedly less communicative at sea (beyond connectivity issues), avoiding family calls when connection is available, withdrawing from usual social activities after returning home.
Persistent irritability or anger. Short temper with family members, disproportionate reactions to minor frustrations — particularly if this is a change from their usual character. This can be a sign of depression as much as anger problems.
Sleep disruption. Difficulty sleeping (insomnia) or sleeping excessively and being unable to engage in daily life. Nightmares or evident sleep disturbance that persists beyond the first week after a contract ends (some disruption is normal post-contract).
Increased alcohol or substance use. Drinking more than usual during shore leave or after returning home, using alcohol to sleep or manage anxiety, or using other substances. This is a significant warning sign in combination with other changes.
Expressions of hopelessness. Statements like 'I don't see the point', 'I'm a burden', 'everyone would be better off without me' — these should always be taken seriously and followed up with a direct question about self-harm.
Avoidance of future planning. Refusing to discuss return to sea, future contracts, family plans, or anything beyond the immediate present — may indicate a person who cannot imagine a tolerable future.

How to start the conversation

The goal of the first conversation is not to fix the problem — it is to create enough safety that the person feels able to say something true. Practical principles:

Choose a calm, private moment — not when children are present, not during a conflict.
Start with observation, not diagnosis: 'You haven't seemed yourself since you got back — how are you actually doing?'
Listen without immediately trying to fix, advise, or reassure. Silence after a question is not a failure.
If you are worried about suicidal thoughts, ask directly: 'Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself?' Asking does not create the idea — it opens a door.
If the answer is yes, do not leave the person alone and seek immediate help: GP, emergency services, or the crisis line below.

Free 24/7 multilingual support

ISWAN SeafarerHelp — +44 20 7323 2737 | iswan.org.uk/seafarerhelp. Free, confidential, multilingual, 24/7. Supports both seafarers and their families.
Sailors' Society Wellness at Sea — sailors-society.org/wellness-at-sea. Free mental health and welfare support programme for seafarers and families.
Samaritans (UK and Ireland) — 116 123. Free, 24/7, confidential. For immediate crisis support in the UK or Ireland.

See mental health support and mental health crisis resources for a broader directory.

Looking after yourself as a family member

Supporting someone in distress is emotionally demanding. You cannot sustain support from a depleted position. ISWAN SeafarerHelp is available to family members independently — you do not need to be calling on behalf of a seafarer; you can call because you are struggling with the situation yourself. This is not a secondary concern — it is a primary one.

Frequently asked questions

How do I bring up mental health concerns without making things worse?
Start from curiosity rather than diagnosis. 'You seem really tired — how are you actually doing?' is much easier to receive than 'I think you have depression.' Choose a quiet, private moment — not in front of children or during a conflict. Be willing to sit with the answer, including a deflection. Many people need to be asked more than once before they feel safe enough to say what is actually wrong. ISWAN SeafarerHelp can support you as the family member too — not just the seafarer.
What should I not say to someone who seems to be struggling?
Avoid minimising ('Everyone feels like that', 'You just need to man up'), moralising ('You should be grateful — you have a good job'), or catastrophising ('You're going to lose your job if you keep this up'). Avoid immediately offering solutions — often the person needs to feel heard before they can engage with any suggestion. If you are worried about suicidal ideation, it is safer to ask directly ('Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself?') than to avoid the question — asking does not plant the idea, and getting a truthful answer allows appropriate action.
Is there a 24/7 service I can call right now?
Yes. ISWAN SeafarerHelp: +44 20 7323 2737, free, multilingual, available 24/7. Sailors' Society Wellness at Sea: wellnessatsea.org. Samaritans (UK and Ireland): 116 123, free, 24/7. For immediate risk to life, call the emergency services (112 in most countries, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US) — this applies whether the person in crisis is at home or, if communication is still possible, at sea.
What if the seafarer refuses to get help?
You cannot force an adult to seek help. What you can do: remain available without pressure, make the support options visible and easy ('I'll sit with you while you make the call if that helps'), and look after your own wellbeing while you wait. If you believe there is an immediate risk of self-harm and the person is at sea, contact the manning agency and ask them to arrange welfare contact through the master or TMAS. If the person is at home, the GP or emergency services are the appropriate contacts.